leave me alone.

2004-02-14T10:54:00.000+08:00

You are cutting

What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-02-10T10:25:00.001+08:00

You think you know what I’m about,
But actually you don’t.
You think you know what I’m feeling,
But you have no idea.
At first I let you in,
But now I shut you out.
When you think I’m happy,
My feelings tear me up.
When I’m smiling to the world,
I’m crying to myself.
Can’t you see,
That all I really wanna do,
Is leave this world right now?

2004-02-10T10:25:00.000+08:00

Introverted (I) 58.54% Extroverted (E) 41.46%
Imaginative (N) 64.29% Realistic (S) 35.71%
Emotional (F) 60.47% Intellectual (T) 39.53%
Easygoing (P) 57.5% Organized (J) 42.5%

Your type is: INFP

You are an Idealist, possible professions include - information-graphics designer, college professor, researcher, legal mediator, social worker, holistic health practitioner, occupational therapist, diversity manager, human resource development specialist, employment development specialist, minister/priest/rabbi, missionary, psychologist, writer

Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test

2004-02-09T13:28:00.000+08:00

wow gm's really fucked up. i went to school today at eleven. got told by capt sha, mr lian and the clerk to go home.
i pleaded for like fifteen mins with them but ARGH.
wasted my time doing the ss project so beautifully[if i do say so myself :p], and they come tell me i cant go up cos i may infect some with the bird flu.

gawd, i don even have the freaking bird flu.

gm's system is reaaally fucked up.

capt sha:what class u in?
me:f42
capt: haha. i know u studious type, but don worry, i will tell mrs lee for you..
clerk:yar you know mrs lee ''lagi fussy'', you sick she'll ask you go home
me: its not serious at all really, i mean so many have the flu and its NORMAL!!
clerk: you have a fever too!
me:i had it last night
mr lian:go back and rest okay...take care of yr health...
capt sha:yar,go back, sleep and prepare for tmr! tmr wait so much energy you can do your presentation so much better!*pumps hand in air*

someone saveeeeee me.

oh well, and im not supposed to go school tmr 2.

hmmm, think i shall come tho.

too bored at home, and i don wanna go in my room, papers and books all over the floor...all my undone homework....

and i hate having to cough every 5 secs or so. and of course the blowing into a few tissues every 10 mins.

yes im gross.

but im PISSED!

arrrrrgh.

oh well, at least i got to see the Grammy's. spankin gr8. MUCH MUCH better than last year's.

sigh gotta go have my ''3-4hrs of sleep now''

i gotta watch lost in translation!

oooh fuck, just remembered, i have physics prac test.

aaaaaaaahhhh and im gonna be screwed by mr lim. again.

don't you just envy my PERFECT life?

2004-02-08T19:09:00.000+08:00

wheet.

i got an e8 for my english hdstrt.

i dont know what to say anymore.

2004-02-05T20:06:00.001+08:00

oooh this is kinda the stupidest thing im gonna do. but oh well. postin my stupid pathetic results for all to mock. why? cos i wanna mock at myself. for being so duuummb. mrs chang: sharan and adora..you
people arebeing too harsh on yrself. doesnt mean you cant do math you're a failure in life *shakes head at ME* man she so needs a reality check. sigh whatever, here's the crap:

english--havent gotten back..
ss--11/15
history--19/25
e math--50%..forgot exact marks
a math--11/35[sigh.....oh well ive made up my mind on droppin anyways. too stupid]
chem--35/50[tsk tsk. and my tutor who's an ex-NUS LECTURER mind you wants me to get at least 75-80% for all my impt tests.HAH]
physics--havent gotten back..

no mt and lit hdstrt i think....so there's the t.u.r.d

someone shooooot me. no actually, i'd like to do the world justice by ridding it of curses myself. so hand me the gun. i'll do the job

man im listening to ricky martin. aaaaaaaah well. he's cute. he's LATINO :d errr.. you say latino babes...you don say latino hunks? whhhyyyy.

ignore me im tryin to reassure myself. which apparently is not working at ALLLLLLL.

2004-02-05T20:06:00.000+08:00

ya noe..i come online wit loads of things to talk about...and when it actually comes down to bloggin em...i forget all of em. either that or i just cannot be bothered to let my fingers to fly all over the keys now. oh well.

two words: o levels. STRESS.

oh wait is that three word? does o count for a word? like i does ya noe? hmm.

2004-02-03T11:42:00.002+08:00

britney - everytime/em>
Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it is haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
----------------
hmmm. this song aint half bad. oh well. im boooooored. so im listenin to britney. does that make sense? argh whatever.

2004-02-03T11:42:00.000+08:00
skipped school. all course i was too scared to go take my lit test. this is gettin WAY outta hand. argh and ive still got loadsa hmwk. and i was stuck watchin oprah--dr phil was advicin troubled couples. one guy claimed ''my wife's overreacting. i watch porn everyday cos i want to and need to. its not an addiction. im def. not cheating on her.''.
men.
life couldnt be better

2004-02-02T15:02:00.003+08:00
my dad just striked 35K in lottery. and im getting 200 bucks.
''we're saving it for your tuition''
spare me.

2004-02-02T15:02:00.002+08:00

you are darkslategray
#2F4F4F

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan.

Your outlook on life is dark. You're generally a pessimist and everyone knows it; you're the one the come to when they don't want the sunshine blown around, they just want to straight truth. You can miss good things in life if you make up your mind too early though.
the spacefem.com html color quiz

2004-02-02T15:02:00.001+08:00

Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Very High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

didnt know i'd fallen so far

2004-02-02T15:02:00.000+08:00
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful) Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous) Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Very Low
Level 7 (Violent) Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Very High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

here i go again

2004-02-01T18:16:00.001+08:00
*WHAT IS THE GEEKIEST PART OF YOUR MUSIC COLLECTION?
lets see. s club7.a1. and my disney cds. coincidentally, i love em the most.

*WHAT DO YOU EAT WHEN YOU RAID THE FRIDGE LATE AT NIGHT?
errr. lemme think......red bull. cos usually when i raid the fridge late at night, im up cramming. poor sad life.

*WHAT IS YOUR SECRET GUARANTEED WEEPING MOVIE?
pearl harbor. sigh. even after 11 times, i still get sooo touched. add the last samurai to that list too.

*IF YOU COULD HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?
interesting question. hmmm when im old, maybe botox. and now...hmmm...maybe stretch my body to be taller...strecth my feet to be bigger and shrink my head so it wldnt be so big.

*DO YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEAR?
like who doesnt. HOWEVER, i have a cure *looks smug* now how many have that eh?

*WHAT IS THE LITTLE PHYSICAL HABIT THAT GIVES AWAY YOUR INSECURE MOMENT?
downcast eyes. :d all the time.

*DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?
not really. i once got 2 kisses frm ben a1 tho. hurrah for me[NOT] but i still thnk he's hot.

*DESCRIBE YOUR BED.
sin.

*SPONTANEOUS OR PLAN?
spontaneous for impt decisions. plan for crappy nonsensical ones, like what colour toothbrush am i gonna use today...and which shoe shld i wear first in the morning....these stuff really irk me. argh.

*DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAY POKER?
thats the one wit the cards eh? no.

*WHAT DO YOU CARRY WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES?
my sarcasm.

*WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST ABOUT BEING LITTLE?
everythhiinnggg. mostly, the playing in the playgrounds from noon till night...all the adventures..then when me n my bro get home...the night-long scoldings....sigh...oh well...yea and i remember envisioning running away from home..and i would have this notebook where i would record all the money i have...run away to somewhere far..become a famous actress and laugh in the face of those pathetic losers and live my fantasy. aaah those long forgotten illusions.

*ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOUR GIVEN NAME?
mediocrely, yes. cos i pretty much use a pen name...so :p

*HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD IT TAKE TO GET YOU TO GIVE UP THE INTERNET FOR ONE YEAR?
hmm. a million. i wouldnt even curse u once, promise.

*WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BEDROOM?
blue. nice only on a cooold rainy day.

*WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO?
every me every u by placebo.

*HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLAY?
yep. but lost the err...so to speak *comfortabilty to act in sec 2. so honestly, i donno what im still doin in drama. still love the stage tho. maybe i'll be able to get the thick-skinnedness and ease back. highly doubt it. oh well.

*HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
i AM currently in love with this F.A.B boots i saw in mango!!! and im gonna get em tmr!!!! ooooh i cant wait. :d life has purpose again.

*DO YOU TALK A LOT?
yea i believe i talk too much. but oh well.

*DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?
like myself...believe in myself...now those are strong words..

*DO TRANSIENT, HOMELESS, OR STARVING PEOPLE SOMETIMES ANNOY YOU?
yea. how much i'd love to be in their places. all they need is a physical home. *ppppppppppppfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft*

*DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A NICE PERSON?
i consider myself to be an awful person that's nice sometimes whn i want to be or i can be bothered to be. i dislike loootsa pple. yea obv. oh well

*DO YOU SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND OR YOUR FRIENDS?
i spend the most time with bun.

*WHAT'S ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD DO BUT CAN'T?
be reborn.

*WHAT IS YOUR IDEAL MARRIAGE LOCATION?
outside the gates of the family court.[saves transportation time when getting a divorce you see]

*WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY?
everything. and anything.

*SOMETHING YOU LOVE AND HATE?
fire

*WHAT KIND OF BEDDING DO YOU USE?
a super-single sheet. covering a super-single mattress. mounted about 30 inches frm the ground.

*DO YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE?
i pride myself on having a non-existent one. :) wahey

*WHAT'S THE ONE LANGUAGE YOU WANT TO LEARN?
spanish. aaah the very essence of being romantic.

*WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT A BAR?
ooh just went to one that day. some fruity vodka thngy. not bad..but a tad too strong for my liking.

*HAVE YOU EVER PIERCED YOUR BODY PARTS?
ears. but let one close. so now ive got only 3. lookin to pierce my tongue soon.

*DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS?
nope. as of now, im swearing off them fer life. nicer to see holes in my arteries and veins then sheer bluish ink. errrgh.

*WOULD YOU EVER ADMIT TO HAVING DONE PLASTIC SURGERY ANY OF ANY KIND IF CONFRONTED?
hmmm honestly, u only get confronted if u're famous. err. yes i would admit to it. and have family mags slam me for advocating synthetic body parts.

*DO YOU DRIVE STICK?
and thats a....?

*WHAT'S ONE TRAIT YOU HATE IN A PERSON?
hypocrisy. but oh well. it is sooo necessary.

*WHAT KIND OF WATCH(ES) DO YOU WEAR?
loathe em.

*MOST FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE?
my purchases are NOTHING if not frivolous. but retail therapy ALWAYS works so there.

*DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF MATERIALISTIC?
when shopping around, yea. but i don judge pple cos of what they wear. [i judge them for HOW they wear their stupid crap]

*WHAT DO YOU COOK THE BEST?
anything ready-to-cook.

*FAVORITE WRITING INSTRUMENT?
the one with the 0.28.

*DO YOU PREFER TO STAND OUT OR BLEND IN?
:d ive given up trying to fit in. ironically, standing out too. it just comes naturally, being a wallflower ya noe

*DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING MONOGRAMMED?
and that would mean?

*WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT DRESSED LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX?
i lived on that when i was under the belief that girls were weak[ages 5-9,11-12] so yea lemme be glam now k

*WHAT'S ONE CAR YOU WILL NEVER BUY?
anythng owned by someone before.

*WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?
lotsa thngs.

*IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
lose the lottery ticket.

*BURIAL OR CREMATION?
dont really care...im dead...

*HOW MANY ONLINE JOURNALS DO YOU READ REGULARLY?
hmmm...not many....just depends on how bored i am..

*WHAT'S ONE THING YOU'RE A SORE LOSER AT?
life

*IF YOU DON'T LIKE A PERSON, HOW DO YOU SHOW IT?
i roll my eyes at them and insult them to their frens. if i hate their frens, i insult them to their faces then roll my eyes. amazing how ive managed to get away wit insulting lotsa pple. oh well. never know what those are saying behind my back eh? oh well. :) i know how awful i am, it defines me. go on talk. :p

*DO YOU CRY IN FRONT OF FRIENDS?
nope. unless u count in bun, but he's a stuffed dog...but he is my best fren so...

WHAT KIND OF FIRST IMPRESSION DO YOU THINK YOU GIVE TO MOST PEOPLE?
that im proud. rude. or shy and unbelievably narcissistic. ooooh and that i laugh a lot.

*WHAT'S ONE THING YOU LIKE TO DO ALONE?
errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr lemme think. everything if i had my way. hmmm but to give a technical answer....buy an apartment, renovate it and it'll be MINE.

*ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER?
hmmm....giver if i really care for ya..i don take stuff from ppple i cant stand so

*WHAT HAVE YOU STOLEN BEFORE?
a pair of scissors frm my mom's office.

2004-02-01T18:16:00.000+08:00
She looks around and all she can see are faces. Familiar and not so familiar. Smiling faces, happy faces, and not-a-care-in-the-world faces. She is wearing one of those faces now. She sits down with her friends and hurriedly covers her knees with her skirt – no-one notices. They talk, they eat, and they share their problems. Not her. She listens. Why would she tell them her problems? She’s old enough to deal with them in her own way.

Emotional problems come and go, but the constant reminders will stay with her forever. Her hands and knees are the main places for eyes to wander, regretfully after meeting her flashing eyes. How dare they pry into her problems! This is her body and she will do to it what she pleases.

She started cutting in junior high. She doesn't remember why she reached for the razor the first time, she guesses because it was there. She was in too much pain, and didn't know what to do about it. So she cut. To see blood was reassuring, to think she was getting what she deserved. She was numb. She couldn't feel any of the pain she was experiencing, so she cut in hopes that she would. It got to be an impulse. Got in an argument with her mum or boyfriend, had a bad day at school, just reached for the razors. She doesn’t think. She just cuts. And she doesn't feel, as desperately as she wants to. All she usually feels is ashamed afterwards.

She could have started drinking, or done drugs or even smoked, but there was such a stigma attached to that. And she still had to be the perfect kid. A perfect kid like her couldn't get mixed up in that. So she cut instead, because she could still escape and no one would know. Her own private idaho.

She just loves the feeling. When she’s feeling down, she knows how to relieve the pain – with pain. Just a tiny nick and her sorrows are gone. A feeling of calm – and shame. People are totally oblivious to the problem. It’s not that they don’t care – they just don’t know.

Why does she cut, scratch, pick and burn? Because she has to. She has to see the blood. She has to see the red nail marks. She has to feel the pull of her clotting skin. And she has to feel the cold water running over her burning body.

Glass, pins, razors, knives and lighters all serve an important purpose in leading her double life. And she’s not the only one. As she stares across the playground, she meets his deep blue eyes, looking away quickly. They each know the secret of each other’s past, present and reluctant future. They don’t want to die. They’re not crazy. It’s just their way of dealing with life, day by day.

2004-01-28T19:09:00.001+08:00
"Death is the end of life. Every living thing dies, but human beings are probably the only creatures that can imagine their own deaths. When someone dies the people closet to them are over come with sadness. Some people find comfort in death. They believe that when you die your suffering ends. People who go through the death of an important person in their life often feel like a part of them has also died. You can choose to let this experience alter and shape the rest of your life or you can overcome it and continue with your life. "
---dh lawrence.

2004-01-28T19:09:00.000+08:00
watched cheaper by the dozen,peter pan and THE LAST SAMURAI.

alright the first too. THE LAST SAMURAI was fan-fucking-tastic. simply amazing.
def one of my fav shows ever.

and im so pissed about what happened today.

argh. too pissed to type anymore.

ooh yea i composed this in assembly today. this is the edited version. since the first one's in my chem book. prefer the first one. oh well. sums my life in just a stanza.
touch my rainbow
feel my multi-coloured fantasy
let go of all you've ever wanted
life's more than keeping in touch with yourself

sigh. homework homework, more homework. of course its much more than normal. why? cos i rock. [translation: lazy ass]

aannnd im stilll bloody pissed.

to everyone out there, be glad you're not in super-hypocritical f42. if u're in. man I WEEP FOR U.

actually i dont. cos i hate those in 42 :p

argh im feeling really childish now.

totally pissed and rambling ON AND ON

arrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh.

twilight sky

2004-01-24T12:31:00.000+08:00
At times when I just want to fall asleep and not wake up, I wonder if the medication is working at all.

I wonder if I'll always be alone and continue to fall.

If I could commit one murder and not pay any consequences, I would kill the one person that I've ever truly loved.

Just to know that he is not with someone else.

I know how sick I am. I know how far away I have crawled from the only essences of reality I've ever seen.

I can't help it.

There is a pain in my stomach that never goes away. There is a pain.

There is a pain in my head, in my eyes, in my ears. A pain that never goes away.

And I dream for miles and miles about rainbow colored skies, about waterfalls and white sands. I dream and I reach but I don't ever catch a glimpse. I don't ever catch the falling star in the twilight sky.

It's time for me to go now. To go cling to the last drops of sanity that I possess.

Just wish I could stop the fall. The fall of me. The fall of tears. The fall of it all.

still bored...

2004-01-23T23:14:00.002+08:00
Have you ever...
1. Been Kissed: rhetorical.
2. Done drugs: as of now, nope
3. Eaten an entire box of oreos?: nope
4. Eaten sushi? yes. and i hate it.
5. Been on stage: yes. and again, i hate it.
6. Been dumped: nope. don believe in relationshps.
7. Gotten in a car accident: nope
8. Watched Punky Brewster? never heard of it
9. Watched Scooby doo: sadly, it was my daytime fav in my lowr pri-days. thgt fred was such a hunk. oooh got the hormones runnin even since then eh? *wink wink
10. Flipped 8 times off a bike?: nope.
11. Stayed home on a Saturday night just 4 the heck of it: uhuh
12. Seen the White House: im not that secluded. well not it in itself tho.
1. Cold or hot: cold.
2. Lace or Satin: satin
3. Blue or Red: i like blue. i like red. i like blue more.
4. Rain or snow: love rain. love snow.
5. Give or receive: don really haf a choice do i?
6. Wool or cotton: spare me.
7. Rose or daisy: rose, def.
8. Private school or public school: private if i had my way.
9. Chocolate milk or plain milk: plain. choc sucks unless in its true form.
11. Spring or fall? fall.
12. History or Science?: love history. like chem.
13. Math or English: english. math is SO not me.
14. Alternative or Country: like both. bt alternative's more...i donno...accesible...yea thats the word...accesible.

Opposite sex
1. Do they like you?: rhetorical.
2. What do you look for in a man? hmmm. someone who's far far away. and cute. think josh hartnett.

Your Friends
1. Who's your funniest friend? hmmm....cant think right now......lol maybe its clare and nat 2gether. they litterally crack me up all the time/
2. Who makes you laugh/smile the most? whoever that doenst know.
3. Who do you e-mail the most? my fucked-up class?
4. Who's the shyest? errrrr, this is hard.
5. Whose parents do you know the best? hmmm. given up tryin to impress parents.

Within the last 24 hours...
1. Had a serious talk? yea.
2. Hugged someone? nope
3. Gotten along with your parents? whats new...course not..
4. Fought with a friend? kinda...

Do you like to...
1. Give hugs? nope.
2. Give back rubs? love receivin em. don mind givin them
3. Take walks in the rain? :d i believe rain heals.

Random Q's
1. You ever have that falling dream?: haha oh yea.
2. What color is your floor/carpet in your room: white/blue. my darn bro's allergic to er...the cloth that makes up carpets.
3. What was the last CD you bought? looong ago. look up, the last survey i did.
4. If you chew gum, what kind? actually, i hate gum
5. Do you use chapstick? swear by it.
6. What did u do last summer? which is summer again? whatever. occupied by borin darn old sch. cant wait to get out. and sigh. get in to another one. hopefully.
1. Full Name: sharan kaur.
2. Gender: f
3. Nicknames: shar. and lol this only by shir:ran.
4. Hair color: horrid.
5. Eye Color: brown. hidden by specs. which are a symbolism of blah blah bah.

Which one of your Friends...
1. Is most likely to grow up to be a model: athalia. super tall, super skinny. and she thinks she's not. sooooo model-material.
2. Which one knows most about you: amelia.
3. Have you known the longest: loads
4. You know most about: amelia.athalia.adora.siying.nat.mark.shanqi.jonathan.cj loads lah don make me think bout the stupid advice i gotta dish out all the time. makes me why i even bother man.
5. Is the smartest: all are xtremely smart.
6. Most likely to end up in jail: haha all are kinda righteous. so maybe me.

Favorites....
1. Food: bread.
2. T.V. Show: don get me started here...ive got LOADS.
3. Drinks: root beer. vodka. martinis.
4. Actor: josh hartnett. tom welling. the peter pan guy. honestly, i don haf the brain juice right now.
5. Actress: kate hudson, jessica alba argh what the hell i cant think.
6. Restaurant: country manna.
9. Song(s): currently, i really cannot think.
10. Singer/Group: look up.
11 Sport: as long as i don hafta do it, its fine.
12 Colors: blue. purple. silver
13. Candy: the sour knds.

Have you ever..
1. Been to a concert: duh
2. What was your first concert: aarrgh cant thinK!
3. Been in a different country: yea
4. Loved someone so much it made you cry?: i dont cry. i'd love to say i don love, but my poor soft toy'll be sad.
5. Cheated on a test: all the time esp math.chem once but i owned up cos i felt so bad.she din even taste the mark on her record cos she was so happy.teachers.hmm but not exams tho.
6. Bought something and then saw it cheaper somewhere else: all the time.!%#*!)%^#)@!*$%
7. Stole from somewhere or someone?: haha. samples. all the time.
8.Stalked smeone: lol yes. cute guys. only wit athalia. cos usually i don do reckless stuff like that on my own. when im not myself basically. cheap thrill.
1. Single or taken: single n'll gladly remain it.
2. Who is your biggest crush: joshhhh hartnett. :d gawd that guy's hot. and amazingly, i actually like the person he is.
3. If you could go out with anyone who would it be? shoppin? beyonce. looove her taste
1. Scariest moment: cant think again. don expect me to categorize my brain at this wee hour into what i like and what im scared of :p
2. Happiest moment: loook up.
o you curse too much: hell yea. just not in the best of moods right now. fuck, i curse when im happy too. its just much muh wilder. usually in the pathetic 'wtf' form.
4. When was the last time you showered? this noon. i soo need a shower. sigh my brain's goin to sleep tho.
at color pants do you have on right now?: red.
hat cd are you listening to right now? no cds. just illegaly d/l music
7. What is the last thing that you said?: what the fuck is yr problem cant u just leave me alone. i wanna use the com at this time also must stay up wit me. just go bloody sleep and don make me do it just cos u wanna. get lost.[ooooh yea]
8. What is right next to you? cell.
9. What is your computer desk made of? ugly wood.
0. Do you have any lava lamps? don really fancy em that much.
11. How many buddies do you have on your list? 111. msn. wit loads deleted and loads i cant remember the names of.
13. What did you do last night?: dream. i hate dreams. seem 2 occur so often nowadays. argh. ya noe the thng i hate is that they seem so real. i confuse reality wit em.
ast person that you talked to on the phone?: cj
15. What's the nicest thing you find about the opposite sex?: eyes.
16. Who do you admire most?:loads.
do you eat an OREO? take of the top. eat the bottom. eat the top.
19. Fav M&M?: blue.

We wanna know...
Coke or Pepsi?: coke. but pepsi's alright.
MTV or VH1?: love both. but vh1's just amazing. :d
WB or FOX?: fox.
C or NBC?: --
TV or Movies?: love entertainment.
l or Snail Mail?: i like gettin email. but i hate the flodding. i loooove gettin snail mail. def won mind the flooding. :d esp snail mailed b/d pressies. ooooh the joy. :d
Talk Shows or Soap Operas?: love em both. :d maybe talk shows a teeny bit more?
rty or Hang out?: party then hang out.
rise or Sunset?: rise.
Night or Day?: night.
Chips or Cookies?: hmmmm. currently, chips. usually, it'll be cookies tho.
ritos or Cheetos?: doritos.

wow that took long. shall go sleep/shower now. whichever.
hmm maybe i'll dream that im showering. and since i cant differentiate btwen whats real and not. :d oooh yea thats it.

yes yes, the same old survey

2004-01-23T23:14:00.001+08:00
A - Age: sixteen in july.
B - band: fav? at the moment, the juliana theory.
C - Choice Of Meat: i eat chicken, bt i like fish.
D - Dream Date: ooooo. the guy who plays peter pan in er, peter pan. *he's HOT!*
E - Excites You:haha. honestly, lots of things. but they're all really a facade. pple excite me, basically.
F - Favorite Food: caramellllllll.
G - Greatest Gift: the gift of gab. and the ability to think freely.
H - Happiest Day Of Your Life: anyday that i dont spend in my room feeling sorry for myself. i dont ask for much. :p
I - Internal conflicts: possess me.hypocrisy's the very essence of my soul.
J - Jealousy: gets the better of me sometimes. but i do conquer it
K - Kool Aid: haha. NO
L - Love: comes only with perfection. oh and from God.
M - Most Valuable Thing You Own: valuable? that'll hafta be...at the risk of sounding corny, my black heart.
N - Names: define.
O - Outfit I Love: www.neimanmarcus.com they've got great stuff. but oh well.
P - Pizza Topping: mozarella/bacon. simple
Q - Question I want to ask: why do pple hate. why do they discriminate. why do we allow Satan to thrive? why do we cover evil with good. and blame innocents for being evil, allowin them to believe so, thus really become evil with its manifestation? then we r really the evil ourselves arent we.
R - Roots: :d i personally support the blacks. simply cos, they're soo much hotter. but oh well.
S - Sport to watch: honestly, anything's fine. as long as i don hafta play, im great.
T - TV show: loads. oprah.charmed.friends.blah blah the usual teenage fancies.
U - Unique habits: i associate too much. never mind.
V - View from the window: next block of flats etc. but great clouds, love it. and extremely windy. just a habit to look out.
W- Weather I love: anything rainy, stormy and gloomy. :d amazing.
Y - Yesterday's best meal: errrrrrr lemme think. french toast? i hate home-cooked food. fine so im pampered. oh well.
Z - Zodiac Sign: cancer.
last.
x. movie you rented = hmmmm. looong time ago. 40 days, 40 nights.
x. movie you bought = hmm, dont quite remember.
x. song you listened to = sweet home alabama-lynard skynard
x. song that was stuck in your head = sadly, 'rocking arnd the xmas tree'. yes yes i know wrong season, wrong mood, so over!
x. song you've downloaded =trance-the juliana theory.
x. CD you bought = woah this was waaaaay too long ago. no doubt's greatest hits.
x. CD you listened to =britney's britney. love the album, dont really know y.
x. person you've called = amelia.
x. person that's called you = cj.
x. TV show you've watched = one leg kicking *urgh
x. person you were thinking of = marilyn manson. seems my thgts are overly occupied w him these days. hmm oh well.

do..
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = all the time
x. you believe in online dating = gosh i don even believe in man2woman dating, if thats what u call it.
x. others find you attractive = wrng person to ask
x. you want more piercings = hell yeah
x. you want more tattoos = as of now, my belief's that tattoos are for the sick and demented. but it'll change. :d
x. you drink = of course i do. hw else wld i live on?
x. you do drugs = nope.
x. you smoke = nope and never will,i'd like to believe.
x. you like cleaning = when im in the mood
x.you like roller coasters = we kinda haf a love/hate relationship
x. you write in cursive or print = bth. usually it starts out print, then after a few sentences, sadly evolves into somethng unrecognizable.
x. you carry a donor card = nope.

have you..
x. ever cried over a boy/girl = dont believe its worth it.
x. ever lied to someone = uhuh
ver been in a fist fight = nah. but i do slap my bro when i lose control.
x. ever been arrested = haha. almost when i was 10. playin in a restricted area. but all we got was a warning so :d it was fun

what..
x. shampoo do you use = vidal sassoon
x. perfume do you use = currently, calvin klein's mk1. in love wit the fruity scent.
x. shoes do you wear = i hate trainers and pumps. they make yr feet sweaty and stinky, and dont even look nice. the horror.
x. are you scared of = not livin up to my expectations.

number..
x. of times u have been in love = 0, i think.
x. of times u have had your heart broken = hmmm lets see. i'd take this as a rhetorical qn. lol last night when my bro thru bun[my best fren/stuffed dog] across the floor. man it really hurt. :(
x. of girls u have kissed = whaha, none as yet.
x. of boys u have kissed = rhetorical.
of people u consider my enemies = not enemies...just mere beings i consider unworthy of my trust. basically then the whole world. especially ME.
x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with = not out yet....but most likely....about 2?
x. of CDs that u own = less than 35.
x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper = once, that i know of. when i was in p5.
x. of things in my past that I regret = everything tht happened. startin frm: being born.

its done? argh time just flies when you're having fun.

i'll love me. eventually.

2004-01-23T23:14:00.000+08:00
i used to complain about nothin happening in my life to write about. so everyday u get superficial rants bout anythng and everythng in particular school and stuff.

aaah the irony.

now so much's happenin. and ive got totally no energy to blog anymore.
yes. maybe its the feelin of:keepin everything to myself.

precisely why i disabled the tag thngy and forbade pple to read this. guess din want anyone to comment on anything. so yea. im really glad no one reads this. if u are here btw, get the hell outta here. U DONT BELONG IN MY THOUGHTS.

yes yes yes.

but oh well. blogging's not workin for me anymore.

shall go test out others.

that allow me to be less superficial and conscious about what i write and what u find out.

hmm in the meantime. this blog shall feel the wrath of the childish supremeness i get by being evasive.

im enjoyin it while it lasts.

-----tears that form a callous heart-----

this gal's strong now, no one shall bring me down. when they do, they'll nv get the satisfaction of knowin it.

i know this'll be a failed dream.

but i gotta satisfy my illusions sometimes.

be a little more out of reality, run away frm facts more. i know im already in my old little world. but it still hurts.

a real place wld be one of no reality, no pain.

call me foolish.

call me 'in the recovery mode'.

or call me insane.

just get out.

2004-01-21T19:52:00.001+08:00
new place. with what's left of hope:a new start.
Rise before the sun
Believe when it lifts
The show must go on
So let's start on the run
Buy us a meal
Or buy us some time
If we want to arrive there
Look ahead at the road
You can't see a thing
Maybe we'll make it
Before it's too late
There is no time to wait

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High